Life’s Unexpected Turns: Navigating Grief After My Mother’s Passing

To my Orange Bee followers; I feel I may have let you down.  My last post boasted of beginning to blog again and promised a fun YouTube channel that you might follow.  My intentions were good and then my life took an unexpected turn and I have been navigating grief following my Mother’s passing.

I want to share the story with you for a couple of reasons.  Sharing this story helps me, and you may encounter something similar yourself someday, if you haven’t already.  Here we go!  I was spending a few days at the ocean with a girlfriend, having a peaceful and enjoyable time.  A couple of nights before I was to depart the coast we decided to treat ourselves to dinner at a delightful restaurant.  We settled at our outdoor table, ordered a couple of cocktails, and indulged in a delicious meal.  Towards the end of our dinner I received a text message from my Mom saying,” thought you might want to know I am at the hospital in the ER.”  That message is enough to upset anyone. It is so typical of my Mother, who never wanted to be a bother.

I quickly excused myself from the table and stepped out to call her.  As always she answered the phone in a cheerful voice, almost like nothing was wrong.  Fast forward to the next morning, I cut my trip short and began the 4 hour drive home so that I could make arrangements to get to Texas where she lived.  After regrouping, rearranging my work schedule and making sure my cats were taken care of I headed to Texas.

The initial diagnosis was that my 91 year old Mother needed to have her gall bladder removed.  Not a piece of cake for a senior but it felt straightforward for the initial diagnosis.  This would all take a drastic change in the following days. I am blessed to have dear friends in Texas and one of my girlfriends snagged me at the airport and whisked me to the hospital.  I found my way to the ICU where my Mom had been admitted. Her room was directly across from the nurses station and was a spacious room with a wide window to let the sunshine in.  Mom was pleased to see me and immediately began to talk about when she would go home and what we would do. Our conversations were mingled with multiple visits from doctors and nurses and her friends popping in to say, “hi”. I was already beginning to feel I was navigating my grief. Spending all day in ICU with her then driving to her house each night for a brief rest, only to wake up and repeat the routine for many days.

Before I go any farther I want to recognize the extraordinary doctors and nurses who were caring for Mom.  We met several nurses as their shifts changed and each and everyone showed amazing compassion and true caring for her.  The doctors, and there were several, demonstrated professionalism, kindness and understanding.  They all loved taking care of my Mother.  One thing I most appreciated from one Dr. E., is I asked him on day one to be honest with me.  I told him I did not want anything sugar coated. He took my wishes to heart and spoke with me in private daily as to how my mother was faring.  You see she never really improved and new issues popped up daily. His honesty, though difficult to hear, helped me brace for the inevitable. Kudos to the ICU staff at Texas Health Rockwall.  I am forever grateful for your service.

What I am about to share with you is a valuable lesson I learned through this ordeal.  My Mother had a will and I knew where it was.  She did not have a general power of attorney or a medical power of attorney.  After I had been with her for a few days it occurred to me that I may need to attend to banking business or paying some of her bills.  Difficult without the power of attorney.  Yes, there were ways around it.  I could use her ATM card or her credit card if I had the passwords.  Luckily she was alert throughout and was able to give me that info.  However that alone did not feel like enough and we decided we needed a notary to witness her sign a POA.  This presented a challenge, one I was fortunate to overcome.  I was able to find a “traveling” notary and arranged for her to come to the hospital and notarize the forms for us.

My wish is that you do not wait until it becomes difficult.  Get together with your parents while they are able and get POA”s signed and notarized.  If you have kids, especially adult children get it done for them way before it is needed.  Turns out it was valuable to have the POA, especially with the bank.  In the end it made closing her accounts and settling up with the bank much easier! Believe me.  Before she passed away it gave me the ability to pay her rent, her car payment, her insurance and to prevent any late fees or penalties.

The next thing that I want to ask you is this.  Do you know if your family members have life insurance?  Investments? Owe taxes or credit card bills?  Is there a will and do you know where to find it? You may have this knowledge and if so that is excellent.  My Mom, wonderful as she was, never wanted to discuss her personal affairs with me.  I am the only child of my parents, no siblings or relatives.  I would have been the one to provide this information to.  As I said, I did not know.

One thing I am most grateful for is that my Mom was sharp and alert until the last few hours of her life.  My mind was constantly racing, imagining what I might need to cover or pay for.  Weird, and that was only one thought that was buzzing around in my head.  One day I simply asked, “Mom do you have any life insurance?” Thankfully she was able to answer and tell me what I needed to know.

Before this becomes too lengthy I will end my story for now.  Part 2 is coming, I promise.  The photos of my vibrant Mom above are from late 2023 and early 2024.  Yep 90 and 91 years young.  What a joy she was to everyone who knew her.  I am still navigating grief and honestly it helps to write and share with you. Thank you for giving me space to navigate grief in The Orange Bee.